4 01 2010

I just wanted to let y’all know that I’ve started a Facebook account for this blog/project, under “Borei Hoshech.” If you spend time on Facebook, friend me and let’s continue our conversations. I set it up so that only Borei Hoshech’s friends can see who I am friends with, so if you’re worried about other people knowing, you only have to worry about other people who are friends with me. (There is no way to restrict access to my friends list beyond that.) I do have to warn you that I may be selective in whom I allow to friend me (for example, I would prefer not to friend people whom I know well in real life, since that entails a certain necessary curtailment of honesty). Anyway, if you know me well in real life and want to know how I’m doing, I would prefer that you just ask me outright.

In other news, I am sad tonight because I had fully intended to apply for a grant that would enable me to work on this project in a more serious and sustained manner, but I can’t get my act together to do it. I am also still torn about whether writing/thinking so much about depression while depressed is helpful or hurtful. I also don’t know, should I ever emerge from this current, too-long, state of severe depression, whether writing/thinking about depression and tefillah while not depressed would be helpful or hurtful. I was nervous about that when I started this project in my gloriously un-depressed state back in the summer of 2008. So maybe it is for the best that I could not manage to apply for this particularly wonderful opportunity. Maybe this work is not my intended tafkid (role) in life at all. Or maybe it was meant to be of a hobby than a vocation. I do not know.

I do remain worried about permanently messing up my as-yet-undetermined future by remaining depressed so long that I miss all my chances to do something worthwhile with my life. Or that I alienate or piss off so many people along the way that I effectively do the same thing.




One response

6 01 2010

Has the grant period expired? I think this blog is worthwhile and helpful and believe that you should continue to do it. I like that you delve into faith through your depression instead of turning away. I tend to turn away, refusing even the comfort of faith; which is no comfort.

When I’m depressed, I envy the atheist because at least they feel like the universe is random and it’s not controlled by a divine entity who is deliberately engineering things like this.

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